okay, so: some of you may be aware i've had a breakup lately. this is mostly unrelated - i'm not avoiding my now ex gf, we're on good terms. however, i've had more of a reason to invest in this blog when we were together, since she also had one and it was about the only social media we actually shared, sans discord. thus now i have more of a reason to distance myself a bit and have less of a presence.
i'm noticing that the parasocial character of social media exhausts me - even neocities - writing to strangers and being aware that when i post about my life they only have certain pieces of it without the context and will judge me out of context, and some of them are malicious and will grasp on whatever straw i've posted out of context to judge me unfairly and shittalk me on the side. i can't bother with this, trying to appeal to an anonymous audience i don't know who only care about my life when actively reading about it and consume it like a morning newspaper (no offence, that's not negative towards me or anyone, it's just a thing) is generally tiring and i feel i'll be healthier and happier when i have less of a presence. i feel somewhat better not existing for a spectacle. i have to say neocities is much better than other social media when it comes to it, especially web 3.0 socials, but i've still felt an obligation to interact parasocially and didn't like it.
another reason: i've created this site during a specific period in my life where i've kind of tried to "socially detransition" in some spaces. it was for political reasons. i have transitioned at 13, and have not really been functioning socially as a woman or girl since; i'm pretty far in transition. later i've once again realised that i was happy being assimilated and while not in denial of my biological sex and sexuality, i feel happier not constantly emphasising my femaleness or trying to pose as a 'normal' woman. it's somewhat political obligation induced and as such is generally a bother i do better without.
for those of you who enjoy my writing, contact me via email to learn where to find it, please.
the email is on the front page (index), but in case you can't find it, it's femmenietzsche666@gmail.com.
i've received a few really kind emails being here. it disappointed me a bit for being a drama-filled community despite how small it is, but was much more open and kind than most parasocial communities i have been in. i'm really glad you people enjoyed what i wrote and interacting with me! even if it was parasocial, it's flattering. thank you.
i'm keeping this site up for the purpose of preserving 3 very good essays, which - despite concerning my personal experiences - i find immensely valuable.
two of them are: 'we would be monsters' and 'the woman who would be emperor'. both concern my experiences with transsexuality, feminist circles and growing up in a homophobic society. both have, as far as i know, provoked some thinking in some people. i'm keeping them up for you.
one is my freudian analysis of the 'dye: fantasy' music video which i'm only keeping up because i'm really proud of it and how complex and high effort it is despite how silly the topic was. keeping it as a reminder that i'm insane and able to complicate any topic if i wish so enough.
see you sometime somewhere! - signed: kotte